In Retrospect…

Fuck me. Just fuck me. 2016 was awful both personally and in general. I accomplished very few of my personal goals, and actually tanked pretty hard in my mundane life as well as my spiritual one. And I actually want to talk about it, because as awful as it was, 2016 was a year of change and development for me. In 2016 I:

  • Lost my grandfather
  • Developed a stronger relationship with my dad
  • Became an Admin in an occult Discord server and helped make it great
  • Joined a coven, went through Coven Drama, and then left
  • Learned that the Celtic thing is not for me

I learned that I don’t really cry a lot at funerals. I learned that we don’t mourn for the dead, but for ourselves.

I learned that my dad loves me so so much, that he knows he was a shitty dad and is trying to do better. He taught me the weird lessons that only a dad from my family could teach. I learned that he loves deeply, that men can and should cry, and that he is far more gentle with me than anyone ever was with him when he was a kid. I am grateful every day that we’ve begun to repair our relationship.

I became an Admin of a Discord server called The Black Candle Society, and helped to make it one of the most productive, respectful, and intelligent servers of its kind. From these people I’ve learned more about a number of different paths and faiths, and hope to continue learning. We have begun the creation of a library of our personal work, with the goals of spreading knowledge to the rest of the witchcraft and occult community.

I joined a coven. I discovered that although covens are great, the people in them are not always. Sometimes Magisters break their own rules. Sometimes coven members go along with it because they don’t want to speak up against injustice. Sometimes the people who volunteered to teach you just…gods, sometimes they just suck. On the upside, the entire coven experience (six months and very little learned…) helped me realize that if a path isn’t suiting me, I shouldn’t force myself to walk it. Celtic witchcraft does not suit. Like, at all. I find that I much prefer other paths and gods, Greek and Roman in particular.

 

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